WWDPD?

What Would Dolly Parton Do?


I don't know exactly, but let me think on it.....


Scene A.Interior. Night. A crowded bar. She sits with a drink, deep in thought:

wow. im heavy with the weight of my past in this room. claustrophobic even. i want to stay but i want to go. run out the door and down the street. im not home here but this is my home. i want to move away go away and let the past go go go but i am attached to it and fear it will follow me forever.a little history..a little too much history. so much unspoken between us.fuck a duck look at this place. we cant even see sneak a peak .so many people from my past that i have hurt who have hurt me who knew me and know me and see me as a stranger as a friend as a lover as a free spirit as a slut as a heartbreaker as heartbroken. or do they? what do they see? we never really know how people see us so what does it matter? its none of our business, right?..this is overwhelming. the pain, the love lost, the changing of the guards... still so much left unsaid. "yes i'll have another glass of wine, please."and his guitar that guitar that guitar and that heart and that soul and it slides you up up away on the neck on the musical scale of our past our present our future. old songs bringing me back to then but i open my eyes and i am now. i am here.



"But these people keep on moving, and that's what tortures me..."


These were the thickly coated feelings i felt on my body on my brain only days before.old layers of paint. peeling in places but the colors remained.. a scene which took place when i hadnt yet realized the potential of moving forward because i wasnt allowing it myself. see now i know it wasnt the others who were slowly steadily applying the coats. it was me. it is me. i have the paint brush i have the power. what will happen now that i am given this whole palette of potential. ill give you a clue: THINGS CHANGE! everyone has to agree to let everyone else just BE. and thats when the magic happens. the change.



Joseph Campbell tells us: "It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."

Well we surely started down that abyss together but somewhere lost each others hands. every man for himself! but we looked around the table tonight and saw what was laid out before us: the whole color spectrum. all possibilities.



if we are to allow ourselves to grow and change we have to let others be themselves for who they have grown into now. that way we are all on the same canvas. tonight i think it was obvious that we have collectively let the past go. we are simultaneously painting a picture of our present and future and genuinely want the best for each other....so much history, yes, but that is precisely what makes it that much more amazing to be free from the past. from ourselves. with only love.


Though I don't know what Dolly Parton would necessarily do, she might sing me this:

“I will shed the sins and struggles, I have carried all these years. And I'll leave my heart wide open, I will love and have no fear.”





Oh yeah and one more thing. to all those men. those dogs those dirty thinking with dick tongue wiggling dogs. to the dudes dicks dogs, the whole lot of em, the cheating the married the flaky the creepy the arrogant the assholes the emotionally unavailable the too much information the no call backs the call too much-ers the pencil me in-ers the dont get the hint-ers: good bye. good day. go away. no thank you. i dont want your dick. i dont want your date . i dont want you. im going to spain to write a novel and drink wine and dance and live my adventure. and it feels pretty damn good dont it?
XOXOXO

"down the highway down the tracks down the road to ecstasy"

I listened to Bob Dylan's "Idiot Wind" off of Blood on the Tracks yesterday. And it lingered in my head all day and set the table for the night....
i love when he sings "i woke up on the roadside daydreaming about the way things sometimes AAARREEEE visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are making me see STAAAARS!"



(And then for desert a small drunken tangent. with a place setting and everything! amen.)



i dont know if you will get this, but i had to send it out there..i went home tonight with a faint smell of you on me, with a vague memory of your voice and a fleeting image of your face. but it left me wanting more. exciting me inviting me whispering to me "come. here." i saw you. and then you were gone. where are you? who are you and where do you want to go? what do you want to make? lets drink wine and talk all night like we never did but always have. like you were always here but always a stranger. ah. i feel better even if you never get this because these are my lips to you my fingers for you to take off your clothes your hat your beard you hands. take them off and be in the quiet in the still in the echo of our memory our ever our always our never. our possible. goodnight and goodday my friend my stranger my passerby. goodnight my mystery goodnight my moon.

"and though im way overdue, id be startin anew.."

I wish I knew how
It would feel to be free
I wish I could break
All the chains holding me
I wish I could say
All the things that I should say

Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole round world to hear
I wish I could share
All the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars
That keep us apart


I wish you could know
What it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
That every man should be free

I wish I could give
All I'm longin' to give
I wish I could live
Like I'm longin' to live

I wish I could do
All the things that I can do
And though I'm way over due
I'd be starting a new

Well I wish I could be
Like a bird in the sky
How sweet it would be
If I found I could fly

Oh I'd soar to the sun
And look down at the sea
Then I'd sing cos I know
How it feels
To be free


GO GET IT.

Espana part two: No Tiene Abuela en la Cala el Pato!!

Aqui y ahora. here and now. And what have we got?


Bouts of impenetrable contentment.of questions. answered unanswered. moments of clarity of fog. Of extreme beauty and possibility...


..of bravery of spirit. of brevity of experience.


So then...vamos empezar!

in the little car!

with the joints and the music and the views

and our deafening silence of thought.

what should we do?

"Do The Walk of Life.." (then here we go.)



Ladies and Gentleman it is my JOY and my PLEASURE to formally introduce to you:

:::: The Chivalrous Chauvinists::::
{applause applause}

(we pretty much rule)

Rockefeller:

"el flaco" the teacher, the ears, the enthusiast. el me escuche. doesnt taste his own love in the food he makes.


for whom the bell fucking tolls! lover of eating pussy.


"I'm done following my brain for a bit. It only brought me months of inner debate and sleeploss to finally arrive to where I am today: regretting not having listened to my heart 4 months ago. So, I say follow that big heart of yours"


Samson:

the loyalist, the diplomat, the romantic pensive picker...


adverse to Down's Syndrome. ties up lose ends. partial good-byes.THREE ZERO.also lover of pussy.

"In Samson's silence you can hear the wheels turning-the records in the jukebox shuffling and the needle drops on a song a memory-He speaks it- the music plays. Then back to the shuffling. He won't hold his liquor or his nut when he returns from his desert journey."


The Pirate:

the stoic, Profe, passive pro-voc-a-teur, the untamed pony. surrounded by a moat.


tantalizing and vague."knows" women. does a dance. loves acid. loves loving pussy.


Scarlett:

la mujer. the grasshopper. the budding flower. the photo journalist. gift of gab.


is ensconced in her honesty. has a pussy. a gem of one.





Pussy Pussy Pussy Marijuana


In the car on the beach peace and quiet listening to David Byrne and his songs that he wrote JUST FOR US! ("same as it ever was!") with the bota with no clothes with no cares and still with the weight of things pressed upon us..



Naked and free from the cloaks of expectation;


on the precipice of change of life on the edge of the universe,

"spinning on this giant rock out in the universe surrounded by infinity so what the fuck does anything matter anyway?" asks Samson.



talking heads sang to us a warning: "memories caaaan't waaaaait!" they reminded us "the less we say about it the better, we'll make it up as we go along..."

UNDER WHAT PRESSURE?!?!

"PEOPLE ON THE STREETS! EE DA DE DA DE!"
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure



So.....all slightly sullen, but stronger for it because these moments were shared. but the moment is already gone. now only a copy of a copy of a copy.......a game of telephone. forever changed from the original version..... although maybe able to last longer this time because it meant so much more.



I know. Another sunset. But it was MORE, you see... so much more.

{This was quite possibly the most peaceful patient sunset i have ever had the joy to witness}





It's calling me back, daring me inviting me, earnestly enticing me enchanting me.

Yo Volvere.

and i thank you.

Espana part one: La Brujula del Corozon~The Compass of the Heart

{Please Enjoy the Following
Scenes From a Life Not Yet Realized:}

Conversations With & Directions From Mythical Creatures.

Onward bound inward found with Sangria in the hills, gypsies in the cave, dancing in the streets, flamenco in their throats..

swaggers and strolls, late night drunken conversations.
entiendo:i understand .


croquettas. copas. quaint hostels.

initial mild frustrations--that impervious air!



Depending on the direction it faced, it was able to both attract and repel. like a magnet like a compass...quicksand at once, then a wind tunnel of space and privacy!

one teensy weensy aside-----
"You had to come to Madrid to find your Unicorn!"

(oh? HA! well fah-q very much! )

um excuse me but but but i remember that one night and shouldnt it mean something!?!? (oh sure sure) i remember the wanty wanty the never getty getty and doesnt that mean something!? (perhaps. maybe not what you think, though. patience young thing.)


He had a propensity toward exclusivity, toward coldness even. Able to stop, go, let in, push away, with total control and free will. Holding my hand as he slept, and only then, as if the subconscious could somehow soften this propensity.his thin fingers offering up a rare gift.

"My Time," he said, slapping his hand on his bare chest as he lay six feet away from me. "This is MY time."

Perhaps I admired his ability to maintain control, was maybe even jealous with the pride he took in his solo adventure. Why couldn't I be so bold, so righteous with a desire to be of only ONE mind and ONE heart?

Instead, I sadly longed for something warmer.



well? what the fuck happens???

Oh. No. I'm sorry to disappoint you...but the answer was always known. She did not get her Unicorn. This is the way of things. But at least, if for a moment, that elusive "unicorno" gingerly ate from her hand.


Ah ha! Brief entry into those private chambers!
And now i offer entry into my own chambers. MI DIARIO.ooh lala


DONDE ESTA MI GLORIA? Where is my heaven? Where is my bliss? what of My partner in crime?


{"Of course you'll find love! You're a lover.."}

You know how some people have a void inside of them? I have the opposite. It's a heavy aching pulsing alien life form inside me that i want to feed and share and show.. she waxes and wanes. she waits......

its gravity. its GOD. its life. she knows this. she lives this. she IS this. she LOVEs everything. people penis lips kissing drinking thinking i mean really. QUE RICO. she loves she loves she wants. she wants to be loved. she wants to be someones doll. someones star. she wants to be ADORED because she ADORES.



Is an aching heart my destiny? Is this my intuition or my fear that whispers "This is your fate." ?? Please baby jesus jah jehovah buddah dont let this be my reality. what a quiet tragic waste it would be.



Quiet. for now. breathe. and be there my friend. all of you and your little thoughts, you.
oh how you'll thank me later. wink. smile. nod. entiendes?



Entiendo.
She is learning follow the Compass of the Heart. La brujula del corazon.

Donde Esta la Playa de Nudista?

Picture this. Only instead of Scarlet Johansson, it's gonna be yours truly.

13 more days!!!! Wahooo!

I'm gonna be jobless and homeless in 13 days and I can't fucking wait!

An Ode to LL

GIRL let me assure you, LL is still fine as he wanna be!
I see him at work sometimes. I wave. He smiles. The other day I saw him grab his nuts while standing in the doorway of his trailer....he was listening to Motown. My heart melted a little. I imagined that I auditioned for this video, and then we slow motion danced in a club and everyone was oily. It could happen. Anything is possible. Dreams come true. I mean, I can walk with a switch and talk with street slang. He love it when a woman ain't scared to do her thang. Standing at the bus stop suckin on a lollipop, once she gets pumpin it's hard to make the hottie stop.


She likes to dance to the rap jam, sweet as brown sugar with the candied yams.


Honey coated complexion, using Camay (WTF is Camay? I wikipedia'd it...it's a sexy soap!)
Let's hear for my girl she's from around the way!