"Take a picture. It'll last longer!!!"

i wonder if he still does?


bunions


divorced

happy

saying goodbye

sorry


music/beer

shout out to Nicorette

goodbye again!

thank you for you

Short Stories.....the ass-backward way

TODAY 10/20

I started the day reviewing a text message from late last night:

"I'm at Garage Pizza. Your name is on the bathroom wall."

To which i replied:

"Awesome. just like middle school."

a few moments later...

"wow you were a "good time" number in middle school?"

"Wtf was my number really on the wall?"

"Well it was a 323....."

I had to call to get to the bottom of this shit......

i said "dude are you fucking serious? what number was it?"

"well it wasnt your number.. but it was your name."

"nice try man..it wasnt me...."

anyway, i get into work get some coffee, some yogurt, get into my office, immediately some asshole sings the Thong Song and its in my head for a half hour..... went to stage, got the morning paperwork and made the usual chit chat. i told someone my name-on-the-wall-story and she says to me "oh yeah your names on the wall somewhere here on the lot. wanna see?"

i thought " what the fuck is this? am i on candid camera?"

So she walks me to the extra's changing area a few stages over, points to a door with a sign on it that says "Rory 4-2820".....my extension...... Brilliant!


MONDAY 10/19

monday didnt matter.. i dont remember monday....

SUNDAY 10/18

whoopdie doo---my birthday. i think i willed this one to be as anti-climactic as possible. Mission Accomplished! lots of reading, shifting in my seat, listening to music, and waiting to board a cramped airplane to eat peanuts and chew the shit out of Nicorette gum. from where was i traveling, you ask?

me.music.waiting.dirty hair.pouting?

THURSDAY 10/15

red eye. LA to NY. rad. (i always think of buttholes in peoples faces when i say im taking the red eye. anyone else? no?)

FRIDAY 10/16 SATURDAY 10/17

The specific events are really actually too trivial to recount. (small talk, chit chat, who are you again?) The lasting feeling I was left with after this ...."reunion" is a different animal. To simplify it, I was sad..but my feelings are often too transitory to simplify..

The five of us.. mom dad sister brother me. All fairly strong and interesting and individual and opinionated and passionate and DIFFERENT (but so fucking similar and amazingly physically resembling) people. wonderful in our own right!!! but when we get together...... it seems that we just don't know how to act. I mean, we don't let each other be who we are. We always seem to fall back into the same fucked up roles that we think we should be acting out.... Our dynamic gets strained..pained.tense..but FUNNY too!. Old resentments expectations frustrations miscommunication arise. People get insecure.....jealous even. There's a lot of love.. but there's also a lot of stupid and unnecessary shit too.

well well well.. look what the cat dragged in..

(ive been working on this draft since monday. its friday. wtf dude just hit "post" its easy)


EVERYDAY

But there is so much more i want to say. more that i feel. dreams ive been having. control i dont have. power i am relinquishing. distance i must maintain. words i dont say. situations i cant explain. memories i revisit.

everyone has their problems. we all know this. we all have our pain. our secrets. our happy face. im not even talking about me because if you know me at all you know its hard for me to keep secrets or things that are bothering me to myself. i know this is vague... but.... i cant let my fear of other people's demons worry and distract me and hurt me like it has my whole life. i can only be me. i can only love. i can only do so much.

my brother and i got a lot closer this weekend. it was part survival mechanism, part mutual understanding. but he and i talked a lot about being objective vs. being subjective. it takes practice, but i hope that this year.... my 27th year on this planet.. that i can try with all my might to be objective.. to understand people as just people. who are all put here for reasons we dont know, with problems we dont always fix, with family we dont always know or understand or like... and with futures that remain to be seen. i will love unconditionally and take care of ME.

sorry for all the assbackward red eye butthole remarks. i love you all.

Let the WILD Rumpus Start!

I'm not sure why this movie is speaking to me so much but I really cannot wait to see it.

I cry at the trailer. (Of course I do...)

("That's Life")

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around




I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My

Flash Beagle!

I'll tell you a secret.....

..........Let's make this perfectly clear


There's no secrets this year.....

"Nature Abhors a Vacuum"

Tonight's broadcast brought to you by:
Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale~Buddha approved!

California plates? Check.
New glasses? Check.
Hair cut? Check.
Window fixed in bedroom? Check mutha fuckin check.
To do: new mattress, make awesome slide show for family reunion, lose ten pounds, figure out meaning of life, etc.

"What are you up to?" "Jack shit.Watching football.Planning my future." "Nice, dude."

Today I saw a photo tagged of me on FB from 2002. Man I looked young! Also, it made me realize that I really thought I knew what life was about then. I mean, I did in a way. It was day to day. looking at that girl with the long blonde hair, holding her then boyfriends hand, I kinda of shook my head. "Girl, your life is going to CHANGE in ways you could not imagine." Good change of course, life shit, etc. Exciting things, growth.... but I looked at that picture knowing now what I didn't know then. I thought of pain and hurt, hurting others, losing loves that seemed somehow destined to end tragically anyway..."star crossed" I once said..I thought of my old loves.....


Remember when we had a date on the runway? Eating chinese food and watching the planes land? I re-read your love letters the last time I was in Michigan and hate to say that I had forgotten how sweet and romantic you were... and how crazy we were about each other.. Thank you for this. and also for taking me flying...


and thank you, too. but man! this end was messy and I've tried my best over the years to make amends...lots of love, good food, good music, and poetry (fuckin hippies..gotta love it) during this time. And far too much weed. Way too much....

He trips her as
Her sandals fail
She says stop!
I'm a girl... Whose fingernails are made
Of mother's pearl...

Yellow buttercup
Helicopters Orange buttercat
Chasing after The crazy bee Mad about somebody...

Me and my girlfriend
Don't wear no shoes
Her nose is painted pepper Sunlight...
She loves me
I mean it's serious
As serious can be...

Then there's you.....(the unknown pain!)



"Waiting for a bottle of truth..I'm just a lonely guy in my youth......"


Morbid? HAHAHHAHAH.....Nah...well?.....

Man I miss those laughs more than anything....
He told me "nothing from the past changes.."
And so I thank you, then..for allowing me to be ALL OF ME!

Ticking of the clock....and then....


......Even though you never really loved me...i came away from you loving myself more than I ever have..... so thanks to you, too....


What do you mean nature abhors a vacuum?
....well.....empty spaces are unnatural, voids are destined to be filled....
(yes both the latent and manifest meanings apply here assholes..)

Yay! October is here! I am happy! I hope (all four of) you are too....


Goodnight from old me young me past me future me unborn me..the me that's looking back on me.wait, huh?