19 days until i leave for spain people. 19 days until i get on that large metal tube that will take me to another world. i cant fucking WAIT! that was a very important choice for me to make......going to spain. just fucking deciding to DO IT!!!!
so ive been thinking about choice and decisions and really just change lately as i often do. there's the one kind that happens to us and we cant control it or help it. it just happens. kind of like rain or an earthquake or the price of gas or diarrhea. you gotta just deal, ya know? then there is the kind that YOU create. that we can decide for ourselves. that we make for ourselves when we feel like its time to move on or shake things up or devise a challenge, etc.
right now i have both of these wonderful phenomenons going on. on one hand, the empowerment of creating my own destiny and taking my life by the balls, and on the other the kind where i fear that i wont make it home fast enough to get to the bathroom. ya dig?
ive made the decision to finally move out of the apartment ive lived in for the past year and a half. i may be poor, but at least ill have my own space. this decision had to be made. it was a quality of life issue. (YYEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!) i wonder what other kinds of changes will happen now that i made this one of my own volition?
things are also changing with my social life. ("hahaha!! social life? nice try loser you dont have one of those!!!!") even though some of it wasnt my choice per se, im ok with it.
kinda like when youre about to drop something and you try to catch it and you see it happening but its like slow motion and youre all "oohhhhhh nnnooooooo!!!!! fuuudggeeeee!!!".? well thats kinda how this went. it happened and there was nothing i could do about it. seeing as how things havent "blown over" yet..and i am starting to see that it wont....im just gonna roll with it and accept it and trust that "it will all work out in the end." in fact, i wonder what other kinds of changes will follow now that this one took place?
exciting isnt it?
in other news:
when i was 5 my whole family went to see Bruce Springsteen on his Tunnel of Love tour. i was so excited to go to my very first concert!!!! i knew all the words to the tape-side A and B. well when the big night came, what they do but drop me off at the Miller's house and pick me up looong after i had fallen asleep on the top bunk. i had no choice in the matter. the good news is, they but brought me back a grey Springsteen shirt which i still wear to bed to this day.
thats kind of what happened to me with my roommate this week. i wanted to go see Hole at the Fonda. badly. it was sold out. she went. and brought me back a tshirt. im wearing to bed tonight. sigh.
Cheers to everyone for making a hard decision! for having no control over certain matters of your life but rolling with it anyway! for realizing that you have no control over most matters in fact! cheers to Bruce Springsteen! cheers to Hole! cheers to Jamie Oliver for caring about fat kids! ( thats the shit tv thats now on as i type this) and cheers to choice! by the way i really am pro choice. very much so. and again, TGIFMF!
