Today i am whole and complete.ive spent a few days reflecting on where i am who i am what im doing who i spend my time with , etc. this past weekend i visited an old dear friend in san clemente. she made me MADE ME get out in the water with her surfboard. i think i said something like "um, im really apprehensive about this" as she strapped the leash around my ankle..it was heavier than i thought and i felt awkward getting on top of it.. i didnt know what the fuck i was doing and i have to admit was a little scared.but with her help, i rode three waves in on my stomach in a duration of about ten minutes. it was like a fuckin rocket! so powerful! i was glad i did it... its been a while since i got out of my comfort zone like that.
arent they pretty?
going to those kinds of beach towns is calming and refreshing for me.....getting out of the city.. relaxing .but at the same time...theres something that makes me somewhat sad or full of longing when i leave them. i dont know why. (everyone is super fit and hot down there! haha maybe thats why! and its a whole different world.) shes getting married in three months and is madly and crazy in love with her man. (trust me, this girl deserves it all, too. im so happy for her.) maybe its not sadness that i was feeling as i left her in sunday, but rather i was being somewhat pensive about the different places in our lives that she and are in. the common thing between us for sure is the small and solid group of friends that we have cultivated since migrating from michigan to california. its our family! she has hers, i have mine, and we still have each other.
when the work week began i was reminded of how grateful i am to be able to do what i do and how much more confident im becoming in the way i handle my job. the other day i was on stage waiting for a delivery and i (jokingly) asked some grips if i could help them out. they took me up on it and had me grap a rope on a pully to help raise this giant curtain to the cieling. after the count of three, i pulled my rope up (and subsequently released some, ah, frustration) someone told me:
damn youre strong! (pause) you need a man!
we laughed and i said tell me about it...
he asked me how old and seemed surprised when i told him.
Oh youre a grown ass woman! (you calling me old?)
No, not at all.. youre just grown.
his somewhat humorous observation helped to solidify and validate what i feel about myself.
i am exactly where i need to be ....
(If i may digress, one of the things i like the most about my job is how much i laugh. there are layers upon layers of inside jokes. from the shiny tits lady who struts around on her lunch break, to the pizza hut delivery guy from Africa who attempts to win me over by dancing to "billy jean" outside of his car when he brings me the thirty pizzas ive ordered, to secretly photographing mullets that words couldnt describe, there is always a good balance of business and pleasure...)
like this--what a gem!
i am soon to be 27 years old and ive made some jokes over the past few weeks that im getting old...someone was even kind enough to post this sign on my wall!
what i realize is that im not getting old, but rather comfortable with who i am and where i am. right now more than ever i am experiencing that what you are thinking and feeling about yourself is projected out into the universe and it comes right back at you..
kinda like how i felt about the surfboard in a way. i didnt know what the fuck was gonna happen or what i was supposed to do.. but i surrendered and i went with it....the tide showed me the way.
