"I Don't Want a Lot for Christmas, There's Just One Thing That I Need..."
I woke up in my California home. Alone. I had slept in. It was Christmas Eve. I drove to the beach picking up a sandwich on the way.
I reveled in my drive there, I loved my solitude, my sandwich was the shit, the waves crashed, I read a book, I shooed the seagulls.
I went home. I packed. I went to bed.
And then......1,957 miles..
and then....
"Home is Where I Want to Be But I Guess I'm Already There"
oh me oh my. the little house of my mothers that smells like patchouli and popcorn, where dog toys litter the floor and the heat is always too low. there is water on for tea. Diet coke on ice. the silver is polished. the candles are lit. a half of piece of chewed Nicorette on the shelf. there is the steady breathing of two dogs. there is comfort. there is quiet. there are flannel pajamas that would make laura ingalls wilder feel over-dressed. and when not one fight broke out that first night between any of us, i was quietly optimistic.. i waited for the shoe to drop. but this holiday was ..dare i say....peaceful.
Hallelujah!!!!!!!!
theses are literally the pajamas i wear at home. whatever..i dont even care they are comfy.
um, seriously how fucking cute is this? i am wearing a ring of hers that she wore throughout her hippie years. she said that ring has seen a lot of pain.... i do my best to show it some fun!
I was wandering around the house. I was listless. I was in those goddamn pajamas. I got into bed. She told me that this will always be home and how wonderful it is that she can provide me with this space and comfort and that no matter how far away I may go (or rich i may become HEYY OHHH) I always have a home to come back to.
Then I whined, "But Mom I miss you and the house already and I still have three more days here!!"
She told me, "Honey, there will never be enough of it, but you will always have plenty of it."
"In High Tide or In Low Tide, I'll Be By Your Side"
Then there are my friends. The other comforts of home. Many of them I've known for more than 15 years. I love them dearly and wish that a certain twosome would consider life out here and join La Familia: West Coast Edition .
When I came back to LA, one of my little pals in particular who came allllllll the way over here for a visit gave me the opportunity to try to convince her to move
from here
to here
like theres even a decision to make. duh.
"Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot, and Never Brought to Mind? Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot and Days of Auld Lang Syne?..."
Did you know that "Nostalgia" is Greek for "pain from an old wound." ???
This song, traditionally sung on New Years Eve, makes me think of those times, those years that we are Nostalgic for.....that we don't want to let go of but then subsequently also hold on to pain associated with these things.you know what i mean? like you miss it and it hurts--just enough to tolerate the memory.... This song asks us if we should let those friends and lovers and times and places go go go go into the past like they often need to go..i mean the very tune of the song itself is sad painful nostalgic. but it doesnt necessarily answer the question for us now, does it? well ya'll i guess that's the choice that we are given when starting a "new" year.
im learning to really love that whole yesterday-is-history-tomorrow-is-a-mystery way of thinking. and i dont want to long for anything that i once had. i only want to be grateful that i experienced it at all.
I admittedly made several "New Years Resolutions" and if you keep them between you and i, i will share them:
no cheese
less boozin
keep working out
explore the city more!
write more
volunteer at the women's center again
take more photos
and save $$$$ for a trip to europe muthafucka!!!!!!!
That's right. No more of "I cant afford it I dont want to go alone" Bullshit. Yes I can and Yes I do. Here Here to 2010.
xoxo
